The Perfectionist Inside

I am a perfectionist.  Usually to my own detriment.

You wouldn't think it by looking at me though.

It's inherited.  From my dad.  The difference is, my dad is a perfectionist inside and out.  He always looks good.  I, on the other hand, often look like I've just been dragged through the bush backwards. I'm always clean and my hair and make-up done, but the clothes that make their way onto my body are usually the first ones I grab out my cupboard.  Creased or not... My dad would take out the iron and iron his shirt if there's a crease.

My dad would not settle for a dirty house, neither would my mom for that matter- they can have all 7 grand children around and the house will still look great when they leave.

My kitchen floor often looks like the dog's breakfast.  It probably is the dog's breakfast... and the kids'... and lunch and supper. For the past few days.  I often only notice once I've walked barefoot in the kitchen and gathered a few items on my feet.  Then I'll look and, totally shocked, cry "oh my gosh, the floor is disgusting!!", and hastily clean it until it shines...

***

You know that iron I mentioned... well mine mostly gets to iron my poi while I'm making them...

"Mom, my shirt's really creased!!" 

"Flick it a few times and it will look better, or iron it yourself"

The latter won't happen, so they tend to wear creased clothes (although I admit I'm quite pedantic about how I hand up my washing - it gets hung up that it doesn't really need to be ironed).

***

My dad likes things done properly.  So do I.  My way.  And if you can't do it my way, then don't do it. Harsh words, but ask most people who have tried to help me out by doing something with the good intentions of helping me out.  Lets just say - they don't "help me out" anymore. This usually applies to my work - my crafts, my hula hoops, the poi I make etc... I understand it's always done with the best of intentions, but when its not done my way, and it's done "wrong", I become the wickedest witch from the East.

It's not that I would ever believe I'm perfect. I know I'm far from perfect. But I crave positive recognition. I never did well at school - and the things I did well at, I was told would get me nowhere. So these days when I find something I'm good at, I believe I try to be the best.  But not better than anyone else - just the best I can be.  So it makes sense that when people expect something of a particular standard from me, that's what they get.

"Can I help you with this?"

"Sure - here's how you do it" 

(I've spent many hours figuring this out and I've done it 100 times so I know what I'm talking about)

"I thought I would take the easy/ quick way and do it like this, but turned out it didn't work..."

"But I told you how to do.  I showed you and even did one as an example, and you messed it up. Why do you think I told you to do it like that - when I've done it 100 times - if there was an easier way to do it.  Now you've messed it up, cost me money and ruined my day."

Yep, pretty much as brutal as that... Seriously...

"I know you're really busy and you have a hula hoop order so I decided to tape it for you"

"But the tape is all creased - you can't give a hoop to somebody like that"

"It looks fine - what difference will it make to them? They probably won't notice"

"NO! I'll know its wrong! Now not only do I need to tape a hoop, I need to strip this one and re-do or make a new one and tape it."

And on and on it goes.  My mom said the other day - "I'd love to be able to offer to help you tape some hoops, but I know I'll do it wrong so I won't even offer".  Good thinking, Mom...

Yes, sometimes I wish I would just let some things slide, but the feeling I get when I received that message " thank you for the efficient work and excellent job done / high quality of your work"  I feel it's worth it... So if you want to keep your head - when you offer to help me, please understand there is a chance you will "do it wrong" (in which case, just listen to what I say - do it as I say, and we'll all be happy).