Mommy Shaming

Lately I've been surprised at how people "mommy shame" other mommies, just because they do something a little different.

These days I find that people are far too protective (if that's the correct word to use) over their little ones.

They follow the "rules" to the T. 

I don't claim to be the best mommy in the world, but I do know I've always done my best.  I've been a single mom for the last 11 years.



The kids of today seem to often rule their parents.  When I hear comments like "he doesn't like his car seat so I don't force him", my blood boils.  My kids didn't like theirs either!!  Far too many times my kids fought... arched their backs... screamed and shouted... spat...scratched...punched and kicked... and more. I stood my ground. "You will sit in your car seat and wear your safety belt or we're not going anywhere. Heaven forbid you try take it off while we're driving and I will leave you on the side of the road".  I would never have left them, but sometimes the threats (and every now and then a bribe) seemed to work. They eventually realized that fighting against their car seat was fruitless and from then on happily climbed into their seats. To this day when they get in a car, the first thing they do is put on their safety belt.

"Don't give your children water before 6 months, or solids before a year"... Hell, my kids had their first taste of food by 4 months... I'd give them water and sometimes tea too.  When it came to the possible allergens, I'd keep them away for longer.  My daughter was born lactose intolerant, so I wasn't going to play around with allergies...

I've picked dummies off the floor, blew on it... wiped on my pants... licked the remaining dust off and stuck back in their mouths.  I've given them a chicken bone (after removing the loose/ dangerous parts) for them to suck on...

My children played in the sand. Ate it. Poured it in their ears.  My daughter on one occasion stuck several peas and corn up her nose.  I casually pushed it down and got rid of it (but kept my eye on her just in case there was one I missed).

I have photo's of my kids being kids... Dirty and muddy. AND HAPPY. There were parents who insisted on having their kids changed into clean clothes before going home from creche. I was quite happy to pick up a dirty kid.  It meant they had fun. I'd bath them as soon as we got home, so why bother with extra laundry...

I've left red hand marks on my kids legs (my mother always taught me to never smack a child in the face, across the head or any part where I can damage organs- but surely it's common sense in any case).  I would always get them on the tougher, upper part of their thigh.  Of course it would hurt, but I knew I wouldn't cause permanent damage.

I've sent them to their rooms, only to be told they don't love me (I used to love to respond "well I don't like what you did, but I still love you").

Both of my children have ended up with blistered burns on their hands. My daughter fell in the (seemingly dead) fire ash the night after camping and was left with some nasty blisters... My son picked up my hair straightener and burned his hand. Neither was really that bad. It hurt them, and I felt awful, but both were accidents. They healed

I've left the kids playing unsupervised in the garden while I washed dishes and my son fell and split his lip open - leading to a Sunday in the hospital casualty and stitches... He's fallen as a much bigger boy resulting in a casualty visit until after midnight while he had x-rays (which the medical aid wouldn't cover).

I've left them running around late at night on weekends, because it usually meant we'd all get to sleep a little later in the morning... I've also lied about bed time (before they could tell the time) and tell them "it's 8 o clock, long after bed time" and they'll happily go to bed.  My son to this day (he's about to turn 13 - bed time is 9pm), asks me if it's bed time yet (and he knows how to tell the time)... He's so used to having a bed time, that he thinks it compulsory to go to bed then, not earlier... I usually know if he starts asking early that he's tired and tell him if he's tired he can go to bed...

My children are happy, healthy, well adjusted children (although one is not so much a child - finished school and qualified as a paramedic)... They love me and know the sacrifices I have made over the past 11 years for them.

We're all different and all bring up our children differently.  Just because I brought mine up differently to yours, doesn't mean I'm wrong.  It worked for me, so it was right for me.