I enjoy my own company, but now and then I get a little lonely

I was speaking to friend this weekend. I call most people I speak to, even if occasionally, a friend. I was saying that from next year I need to make more effort to get out and be social.

The conversation actually came from people asking where I find the time to make all the beaded products I make (and of course hula hoops), be a single mom (which includes no domestic help at home), and work a full day job.

My answer at first was : "I sit at night and make things while watching TV". Then came the next part "And I have no social life, so my weekends are spent keeping myself busy making stuff".


Her response was different to most people. Most people usually just response with some sort of "oh yeah, neither do I" (to which I usually want to scream - you're married, you have friends and I know you visit those friends. That's something).

Her first question to me was "But why?" Not many people ask that question. It's easier just to tell me that they also have a sad life.
Me: "Well, a lot of the reason is my fault. I like to be alone. I don't like to go out and be around people. It makes me feel vulnerable." Total honesty.
Her: "I know how that feels. Luckily for me I have friends who come and pick me up and take me out".
Me: "I don't have those friends".

The sad truth is. A lot of the time I'd still like to be invited out. Whether I attend or not should be up to me. But most people give up. They don't check on their introvert friends. A lot of the time they just think they're being rude. They don't realise how difficult it is to leave the comfort of your home, to go somewhere you don't know, with people you don't know.

I've made a bit of headway this year. I joined a Spiritual Sanctuary where I attend Sunday services every second Sunday morning. Often by myself.
Many would think that's the easiest thing to do. It's not always.

Don't get me wrong. I really do enjoy my own company. I feel safe. Nobody judging me. I can do what I want when I want and how I want.

For now, I'd just like to go out for a cup of coffee with someone to talk to for an hour or two. Just to break the little bit of loneliness that sometimes creeps in.